SHARED by: Leigh Goldman, Gymtime Mom

September marks the opening of the fall social season in New York. And it’s no different for the playground set.

The start of school means it’s time for play dates. And with play dates come the inevitable questions from kids about other family’s rules and your own. Children tend to hone in on every little difference, especially when it involves healthy eating, TV and movie watching, computer/handheld/tablet use, manners, behavior, punishment and bedtime.

The scenarios are endless: Your daughter’s best friend is allowed to chew gum when that’s a no-go in your household. You allow your kids to stay up until 10 p.m. when most children have to call it a day at 7:30 p.m. Some little New Yorkers are permitted to roam the playground sans shoes, but you’re worried about dirt, broken glass and _______ (let your imagination run wild and fill in the blank!).

We spoke with a local child therapist for some tips on navigating these awkward and uncomfortable situations. Some of them will serve your family well beyond the  “contraband” candy years.

  • The “Uncompromisables:” Health, Safety & Religious Beliefs: Especially when it comes to food, you first have to ask yourself if there is any health or religious reason why someone has different rules. These should always be honored.
  • Teachable Moments: Realize these are opportunities to teach your kids to respect differences and to identify what values are important to your family. They are a chance to start an ongoing dialogue with your kids and develop the kind of relationship where they’ll want to come to you in the future to discuss issues. These kinds of obstacles are opportunities.
  • Avoiding Absolutes: It’s okay to have your own family rules and values. But if you’re not flexible, you’re going to buy yourself problems down the road. Think about the kid who’s never allowed to have sweets and then, when given the chance, will down six bowls of Fruit Loops. On the flip side, if you have a regular weekly play date at your house with a child not permitted to eat sweets, it’s okay to allow your child to have them during some of these play dates.
  • Helpful Heads-Up: If you know your child is going to the playground with a kid who runs around barefoot, alert her appropriately with a message such as: “Sophie is allowed to run around without shoes, but that’s not the way we do things.”
  • Savvy Safety Solutions: If you’re worried your little one is watching TV shows that are too sexual or violent at his bestie’s house, suggest the kids play at your house. Don’t send your kids over there.
  • Foundation for Independence: You can’t micromanage everything. You’re not always going to be by your child’s side. Ultimately, you want kids to be able to make good decisions for themselves. Too many rules hamper that process.

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