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SHARED by: Dream Team Sleep Consultants

Toddlers and preschoolers are limit-testing professionals. It can be a frustrating time, but it’s a very important part of growing up. It’s a child’s job to figure out what’s negotiable in the world around him. It’s our job to put up guardrails and set clear limits.

Babies and children need approximately 11-12 hours of sleep a night. Good sleep is as important to our kids’ health as the food we feed them and the sunscreen we slather on their cute little bodies. Early bedtimes and ample nighttime sleep has been linked to a host of health benefits, both mental and physical.

So, what should you do when your adorable mini-me tries to get the upper hand at bedtime or hates sleeping in his bed? Our advice is two-fold: 1) focus on daytime limit setting and 2) find your inner Buddha in the stressful moments.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but it’s easier to work on setting daytime limits before making any changes at night. That’s right. Forget about nighttime at first. For a minimum of one week, focus exclusively on establishing and following through on daytime rules. Be clear and consistent. For example, when your child tests limits during a trip to the playground say, “If you throw sand again we will have to leave the park.” If sand is thrown, follow through on the consequence you established and leave without negotiation. This can be very difficult, especially with children who are testing limits frequently. It’s hugely difficult if you have more than one child. However, if everyone caring for your child does this consistently and makes it a priority in the short-term, your child WILL begin to realize that his or her grown-ups mean what they say. One child may have to suffer for the other one’s behavior (i.e., park scenario) temporarily. During these difficult moments, remind yourself that good sleep is important for the entire family and that in the long run, your family will be happier because everyone, including you, will be rested and more fun.

The change in daytime compliance can be very subtle and gradual, but your child will begin to test and tantrum less. And as an added bonus, he will actually feel safer realizing grown-ups in their life have clear expectations. Establishing this total consistency during the daytime will make any nighttime parenting challenges much easier to fix. Kids will realize that grown-ups always mean what they say and nighttime isn’t any different.

After daytime limit boot camp, it’s time to move onto nighttime. Before you make any changes in how you respond to your child at night, be very clear about your nighttime rules and keep them simple. For example, “At night, it is your job to stay in your crib (or bed) where you are safe. We will come and get you in the morning when it is time to wake up.” We recommend parents use dolls or stuffed animals to act out nighttime scenarios. This will give your child a chance to “see” what a positive night of sleep looks like before she does it on her own. You can also give a positive reinforcement as a reward for doing a good job. Find something that motivates your child specifically. It could be a marshmallow or a sticker or 20-minutes of iPad time.

Once you’ve laid the groundwork, you’re ready to find your inner Buddha and implement change. Make sure your child’s room is set up for sleep (blackout curtains, white noise, a sleep buddy/blanket). Then, have a plan for interacting with your child that both you and your partner can replicate.

If she calls out from her room, go to her door and tell her in a neutral voice, “It’s time to sleep. We will get you in the morning when it’s time to wake up.” Then leave. Try not to hug, lie her down or engage at all. Do your best robot impersonation and remain calm. Simply repeat the same message over and over in a calm voice. Avoid negotiating.

If your child comes out of his room, pull a page from the same playbook. Simply take his hand and lead him back to bed. The first time he comes to your room, you can say, “It is time to sleep. We will come and get you when it is time to wake up.” After that, do not engage in conversation or additional requests for things that aren’t important.  It may take many trips down the hallway, but it will work if you are consistent. If a child doesn’t get what he wants (attention, sleepover with mom and dad) he will eventually stop the behavior.

Children do not like change so expect them to protest for 1-2 weeks. The more consistent you can be during the daytime and nighttime, the faster your child will learn. Any signs of inconsistency can send the message that you don’t mean what you say. This can backfire and encourage more nighttime interaction.

Each morning, praise your child for ANY progress she made. If she came out of her room 7 times instead of 12 times, that’s progress. You may have to dig deep for these compliments, but find something positive to praise each morning. Give her a giant hug and congratulate for all of her hard work. Try not to dwell on negative things that happened during the night. If you stay calm and consistent and focus on positive changes she will get the message and in turn, discover a new way of falling asleep on her own. Fixing preschool sleep issues can be challenging, but it is worth the time and effort. The reward is a literal lifetime of sleep benefits!

About Dream Team Sleep Consultants: Founded by Kira Ryan and Connor Ryan, Dream Team Baby’s overall sleep philosophy is that children never “age out” of a chance to learn to love sleep. Every child has a great sleeper inside waiting to enjoy a good night’s rest. With the right approach, a clear plan, and a positive attitude families can discover their little Dream Sleeper in a short period of time. Visit them online or on Facebook or Twitter!

image: sheknows.com