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SHARED by: Andrea Abenoza-Filardi, Founder of Wholistic Beginnings

There is no doubt that having a new baby in the family may be a big adjustment for your little one but it can be one of their greatest gifts, too.  Kids need to know what to expect and they need time to adjust.  So it’s a good idea to begin preparing your older child when you know you’re expecting a new baby.  Here are some tips on how to help your little one prepare and adjust to baby number two:

According to the book How To Raise Emotionally Healthy Children by Gerald Newmark, PhD. children have five needs:

1. They need to feel included – This is all about bringing them in, making them a part of things, helping them feel connected to other people.

• Go ahead and ask your child their opinion. Have them help you pick out baby stuff and decorate the baby’s room.
• Buy a baby doll and teach them the Do’s of being around a baby.  Show them how to change a diaper, feed a baby, how to hold the baby, etc.
• My all time favorite is sibling present exchange.  This is where they buy presents for each other and give it to each other they day they meet. One of my families had the new baby bring a newborn baby doll for their older sister. She loved it because she now had her own newborn baby to take care of. It was incredibly sweet.

2. They need to feel respected – Your little one will have all kinds of different emotions around having a sibling.  It’s totally normal!  Some kids adjust fine and others struggle a little and can “act out.”   For example some kids can become aggressive or even regress, for example, by wanting a bottle or even peeing in their pants.  Regression, anger and sadness are all normal feelings and reactions.

3. They need to feel important – One of the things kids worry about is that they are going to be replaced by their new brother or sister.

• Talk to your little one and share with them why it’s so awesome being the older sibling. Read books about becoming a big brother or sister to them. When I was becoming a big sister, my parents bought me a T-shirt that said “Big Sister” on it. I remember feeling so proud when I wore it.
• Sit down with your child and tell them why you think they’re special. A fun and special way to do this is write down on a card all the reasons your child is special and unique and why you love them. Frame it, give it to them as a gift and then put it up on their wall.  Kids LOVE this!  You can have your spouse do this too.  Or you can make them a book.
• Again, include your little one in the decision making (age appropriate of course), ask them for their opinion, give them small things to do and give them status and recognition. They will make mistakes but be patient.

4.  They need to feel accepted – Children need to be accepted as an individual and feel unique in their own way.  They will have their own feelings, opinions, ideas, concerns, wants and needs.  You may not agree with all their thoughts or feelings but try to pay attention to what they’re expressing and talk to them about their feelings.

5. The need to feel secure – Routine will be important for your little one especially when the baby arrives.  Kids like to know what’s going to happen.

• Talk to them about your birth plan (not in detail).  Let them know who will take care of them while you’re in labor and when they will be able to see you, daddy and the new baby.  Let them know where the baby will sleep and where and how the baby will eat, etc. 
• Schedule special alone time with them after the baby is born.

I know that with the addition of a newborn things are going to be hectic and time is going to be scarce.  But, if you and your spouse take the time to prepare your older child, I promise you’ll be making things easier on you both in the long run.  Kid’s have built in radar for what is real and true.  Keep it simple, keep it honest and come from love and things will work out.